Hair Cut

Today i got my hair cut. It's the same style, just needed it cut. I am torn on the subject of hair cuts. I spent my whole life trying to convince my mom that i wanted short hair until in jr high she finally gave me what i wanted, then i was called a boy by more than one substitute teacher. I grew it back out for high school. I went short again in college and was mistaken for a lesbian. I was stronger by then though so i didn't much care what folks called me. My husband fell in love with me with short hair, but i am certain that he prefers it long. I've grown it way out and cut it way short a few times since our marriage and every time i cut it i feel like me again. I feel liberated. I also feel guilty. I want him to think i'm pretty and when i cut my hair i feel i'm also cutting my chances of that.

When i was young my mom had beautiful long curly hair. When she had a brain tumor and they had to shave it all off i was devastated. (i never saw her without hair, but they told me she wouldn't have any.) I think of my little boys i want them to remember me as a pretty mommy and that's why i grew it out most recently. then it got a little shorter and a little shorter and finally it is crazy short again. Just how i love it! So while i will never mourn the loss of my hair, i sure hope that i'm still impressive and pretty (and a just little bit punky). And that's my obsessing about hair.